since the last goodbye..

Emak isn't so pleased that I have to cancel my trip to the US. Apart from the fact that
the tickets for myself and Lutfil have been bought, and it's not refundable, (fixed tickets, bought during Matta Fair late last year), maybe she feels more confortable having me to take care of her. Well, my first brother (Abang Pa) and his wife are also going there, but it's not the same as having your own daughter with you, I guess. I just assured her everything will be okay, and having just Abang Pa and wife with her wouldn't be so bad. I don't want her to cancel her trip just because of me not going, do I?

My SIL (Yang Gemma) suffers from stroke and breast cancer (late stage). We first came to know about the stroke, 2 days after Aidilfitri 2003. Yang (my brother, his name is Rosli) was sobbing on the phone, and he related how Yang gemma collapsed at their home and was found by a neighbour. (Yang runs an oriental grocery store in Carbondale, Illinois) was not home, while their only daughter, Monah was at school. She was at first could not move, her speech blurred, and now Alhamdulillah is recovering, and when I last talked to her on the phone, she sounds okay. In 2005, whe was diagnosed with breast cancer, and only Allah knows, how painful it was just to hear the news. She had to go through so much, and Yang too, I know is also suffering.
And what we, the so-called relatives/siblings do? Nothing much!

I have to confess that I wasn’t a good sister when she needed me most, though. No wonder she was (and still is )so upset with me. Thus came the plan to go and see her and make up for the lost time. I owed her so much, you see. She played a big part in my growing up years, not the toddler-junior-school years, but from my teenage (after SPM) years till I became a young woman. (now 33 yrs old, dah veteran..)
But it seems that all the plans that I made and all the nervousness and enthusiasm to come face-to-face with her just dissapreared as DH wouldn’t be able to come home from Khartoum on the weeks that I was supposed to go on the trip. I cannot imagie leaving both Umar and Lutfil just with Bibik, eventhough they can stay at one of my brothers’ houses. So, it’s better not go this time, again, despite all the expenses that have been spent. Mungkin ada hikmah disebaliknya, who knows we could go some other time? Rezeki durian runtuh ke?
To Yang Gemma, maybe you thought that I have forgoten all about you, but, I actually think of you all the time and just wish that I could go and see you. I am not good at words, but you know I love you dearly..