since the last goodbye..

Emak isn't so pleased that I have to cancel my trip to the US. Apart from the fact that
the tickets for myself and Lutfil have been bought, and it's not refundable, (fixed tickets, bought during Matta Fair late last year), maybe she feels more confortable having me to take care of her. Well, my first brother (Abang Pa) and his wife are also going there, but it's not the same as having your own daughter with you, I guess. I just assured her everything will be okay, and having just Abang Pa and wife with her wouldn't be so bad. I don't want her to cancel her trip just because of me not going, do I?

My SIL (Yang Gemma) suffers from stroke and breast cancer (late stage). We first came to know about the stroke, 2 days after Aidilfitri 2003. Yang (my brother, his name is Rosli) was sobbing on the phone, and he related how Yang gemma collapsed at their home and was found by a neighbour. (Yang runs an oriental grocery store in Carbondale, Illinois) was not home, while their only daughter, Monah was at school. She was at first could not move, her speech blurred, and now Alhamdulillah is recovering, and when I last talked to her on the phone, she sounds okay. In 2005, whe was diagnosed with breast cancer, and only Allah knows, how painful it was just to hear the news. She had to go through so much, and Yang too, I know is also suffering.
And what we, the so-called relatives/siblings do? Nothing much!

I have to confess that I wasn’t a good sister when she needed me most, though. No wonder she was (and still is )so upset with me. Thus came the plan to go and see her and make up for the lost time. I owed her so much, you see. She played a big part in my growing up years, not the toddler-junior-school years, but from my teenage (after SPM) years till I became a young woman. (now 33 yrs old, dah veteran..)
But it seems that all the plans that I made and all the nervousness and enthusiasm to come face-to-face with her just dissapreared as DH wouldn’t be able to come home from Khartoum on the weeks that I was supposed to go on the trip. I cannot imagie leaving both Umar and Lutfil just with Bibik, eventhough they can stay at one of my brothers’ houses. So, it’s better not go this time, again, despite all the expenses that have been spent. Mungkin ada hikmah disebaliknya, who knows we could go some other time? Rezeki durian runtuh ke?
To Yang Gemma, maybe you thought that I have forgoten all about you, but, I actually think of you all the time and just wish that I could go and see you. I am not good at words, but you know I love you dearly..

my latest addition on the shelves

Was I glad! I bought myself a book, a great book.
It contains the list of favourite books from 125 writers all around the world, (well mainly Americans and british ;-)).
I would admit that I just love lists. I was given a book called
“The Book Of List”. It was kind of old, and am looking in some websites if they carry the same title , but with newer versions , of course.
It had all sorts of lists, and I’m glad that I have it in my collection.

see if u can guess what he was 'singing'..

amuse me..

Any books by Dr. Seuss, aka Theodor Geisel, are such pleasures to read. It amused me (other adults included), the children, not just mine, but millions of children around the world. This great writer/illustrator, would have been 103 years old today. The funny rhymes and whimsical characters, that were the best ingredients that are the main attraction to the readers. Gosh, I think I enjoyed and cherished his books more than my children do.
Oh , and yes, I do hope (and pray hard) that the 3 kids will grow up as book lovers, and avid readers. Please, please, please…

Oh yes, gaji tak masuk lagi, and I’m already thinking of going to Kinokuniya and getting me new books. That will kill the time, sigh..

stay on your island, don't let me in..

any hunchback?

don't ever ask about the rules..

bila mata dah layu..he was like thinking of something

him: umar tak nak kawan cikgu *****
me: kenapa?
him:cikgu ***** tak bagi umar coklat, dia cubit Umar sebab Umar main panjat pintu, macam ni..( panjat grill tingkap)
mim: kan tu bahaya, sebab tu cikgu cubit , lain kali Umar dengar cakap cikgu, okay? nanti cikgu tak marah lagi..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(The mention about this particular cikgu always gives me an uneasy feelings. Somehow, of all the teachers there, she is the only one who, I find, not unconfortable to speak with, she avoids eye-contact, no smiles, no “Hi, or Salam” when I drop or pick up my son.
Thank god she is not Umar’s class teacher, but still she was there all the time and I freak everytime I saw her car parked in the porch at the centre. I am thinking of getting him out of the center, cause I feel that if he’s sad/sombre about his teachers, it will do him more harm.
I don’t want anybody, especially his teacher(s), to make him feel bad, and lower his self –esteem. I just don’t feel that it’s right. Teachers (besides parents) should be the ones to direct children to healthy ways of being themselves, bring out the best in every child, nurture them,
educate, guide them as opposed to physically punishing them ( tarik telinga as a punishment for the child yang tarik telinga anak2 lain, cubit perut, etc), as opposed to causing griefs ..
---------------------------------------------------------------
me: umar nak tidur, nak ibu tepuk yea?
him: umar tak kawan ibu, tadi ibu marah.
(Flashback: he , as always would stand on a chair, at our kitchen counter top, one hand in the fish bowl, the other supporting his body because he needs to bend over the counter top in order to do so .
He was just about to move the fish bowl, into the sink after complaining how dirty the water was, and that it needed to be changed. And guess who's the best person he thinks who should do it? No prizes for guessing!)
At that moment, I saw him and warned him that he might have caused
the tiles to be very, very wet and that is a potential hazard (QHSE term!) to everybody. You get the picture; hazard sebab org boleh jatuh, or Hafiz akan memainkan air yg tumpah dengan jarinya dengan girangnya, dan menerbitkan perasaan ingin merasa air itu..)

me: ibu marah sebab nanti bahaya, kalau air tumpah nanti lantai licin..
him : tapi kalau tumpah ke dalam sinki-nya, tak apa.
Sinkinya tu, kan tak tumpah ( he loves the word ‘nya’), kan tak basah.
me: yela, tapi kan berat, sebab tu boleh tumpah, kan?
him: hmm..tapi umar tak kawan ibu, umar kawan ayah aje..
(is he actually missing Ayah, though he never asks about Ayah, but would mention

occasionally like; ‘nanti ayah beli.., or nanti pergi dengan ayah,..etc)

Anyway, yang pentingnya, at the end, we are at peace , kissed him on both cheeks, he did the same to me, and we hugged.
Kesian anak-anakku!

if you say so

sand-sculptures
Nowadays, Umar will be the first to report what his day was like in the taska. We used to prompt him with questions, like ‘what did youn learn’, any new song today, teach ibu how to sing it’, what did u eat for lunch( it’s always, doughnut, doughnut, doughnut!).

After quite sometimes, he offers to cerita by himself, and he mention mostly about ‘teacher’ and ‘Ariff’. So, here goes:
Umar: T adi ada ‘happy birthday’
Me: oh ye ke. Birthday siapa?
Umar: No answer.
Umar: Tadi sian Umar.
Me: Kenapa sian kat Umar?
Umar: Tadi teacher *** makan umar punya biskut, gula-gula, sian Umar.
Me: teacher tu takde biskut, dia nak rasa sikit kot. Tak apa lah, share lah dengan teacher, ok?
Umar: tapi Ariff tu tak share dengan Umar pun!

*I’m sad to report that we are only left with I fish and the tortoise.

itu ini begitu begini

Neuschwanstein Castle

These few days, I worry more. Nights are filled with
anxiety, tense, and I could’t sleep very well, eventhough the 3 boys didn’t make such fuss in the middle of the night. I make it a point to sleep or at least prepare to sleep by 9pm. At least the kids got into new PJs/diapers by 9pm, finished eating and the humble-mattresses laid down by then. Ibu will be very, very stern should the 2 boys (Umar and Hafiz) are still fighting each other, giggling noisily, throwing pillows at each other, which usually ends up with one of them crying and hurting the other, this time out of revenge.

The other night, I tried to put Umar and Hafiz to sleep at 10pm, they refused and kept playing ( read: switching TV on and off, knocking the table glass with spoon, running up and down the stairs, face down on the mattress and giggle out loud cause they think it’s funny, continued running, and the list goes on..). By the time they were too tired playing, and I was too tired to even open my eyes, Lutfil woken up, and he cried
non-stop, sobbing as if he’d just been shouted at. It didn’t help that he cried and his eyes are closed. Mengigau kena marah ke apa tah..
It took almost 2 hours to make him calm down, and I was just so grateful that Umar and Hafiz didn’t wake up at that particular moments. If not, I would have cried myself, heheh

Oh yes, all this buzz about the new 7 wonders of the world, excite me a bit. Nice to know that some of the architectures happen to be of Islamic
Civilization/remains, perticularly the Timbuktu in Mali, where one of the first university of humankind was establish. Also, the Hagia Sophia, Turkey. Well, it was erected during byzantine empire, became a mosque during Ottoman, and now serving as museum for both Christian and Muslims.
For fantasy reason, I’d vote for the Neuschwanstein Castle, Schwangau, germany, built by the mad king Ludwig. Oh, and how about the The Kremlin and Red Square, Moscow that looks like a fantasy castle as well, and it used to be the resident for the Czars, until the Russian Revolution.
It’s a poor thing that the Hanging Garden of Babylon in Irag was destroyed some years ago. If not, it could have been still selected as one of the 7 wonders of the world. Vote here!